mrbrightsidee

2012-02-16T05:13:00.000-08:00

There seems no hope for human kind.

Foolish and manipulated or intelligent and manipulative.

It sure is a dog eat dog world out there. Or perhaps 'dogs' are too good a term for us humans.

2012-02-12T07:52:00.003-08:00

Both my mum and my uncle and other relatives never gave a squat about my existence until recently.

Until recently when they needed money.

Relatives are related to you by blood...but they are sure fucked up.

Why religion will never work... at least for me.

2012-01-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

Life is not a piece of cake.

We all know that, unless we all live the ideal life that we always wanted. Not many have that.

Even those whom you consider fortunate have their own problems, and problems will always crop up over time.

Religion preaches the after-life, in the sense of either reincarnation or a heaven/paradise after death. It teaches us to be content, to do good, etc, and eventually in the next life or distant future, it would all be good.

Bullshit.

It is merely what governments and nations have always wanted. To appease the people, to curb their wants, to convince people and make them believe that the unhappiness you feel in your current life will be equalized with a better one in the next life or after death.

I've always been a believer in equality. And if a supposed 'God' exists, he, as the 'creator' of all beings, should show love for his creations and treat them all equality. And we all know that equality doesn't exist as well.

There are much much more I can talk about, but i shan't in case for i do not want to offend anyone who is religious. The above are my own opinion and it is mine to have or keep.

Sadly, it seems that it is only when you are on the lower rungs of the ladder or the food chain do you recognize and realize the disparity between people, and how some people are leading much better lives, material or non-material.

There's so much to rant about in terms of disparity and the reasons for that, especially when you live in elitist Singapore. But oh well, I shall not discuss that here.

PS: this post kinda got side-tracked, cause Liverpool is 1-0 down bolton -_-

2011-12-16T08:39:00.001-08:00

2011-11-14T01:56:00.001-08:00

A teacher who teaches but never learns is an epitome of a failed teacher.

Thanks for providing me with such an example, I won't be like you.

2011-11-08T22:13:00.001-08:00

September Sun

2011-11-06T23:03:00.001-08:00

Magnificent strong sun! In these last days
So prodigally generous of pristine light
That's wasted only men's sight who will not see
And by self-darkened spirits from whose night
Can rise no longer orison or praise
Let us consume in fire unfed like yours
And may the quickened gold within me come
To mintage in due season, and not be
Transmitted to no better, end than dumb
And self sufficient usury. These days and years
May bring the sudden call to harvesting,
When in the fields man's labours only yield
Glitter and husks, then with an angrier sun may He
Who first with His gold seed the sightless field
of Chaos planted, all our trash to cinders bring.

-David Gascoyne

2011-10-09T20:20:00.001-07:00

2011-10-06T22:40:00.001-07:00

2011-10-03T05:49:00.001-07:00

What are we doing wrong? We love each other, if this doesn't work, what will?

2011-08-12T09:18:00.001-07:00

If only we could see the world through each other's eyes, to feel what each other felt...

Maybe we won't be so selfish.

2011-08-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

Sadly, there is no easy way out - no esc button, no exit sign, no back door to run out of, no 'divine' intervention.

Life is the way it is - the hard way. Go through it, and bemoan the good luck of others, hoping one day others will envy you too.

Is there another way out? They always said there is an alternative (usually an optimistic slice of hope), or you could just give up. Is giving up the easy way out then?

2011-07-16T07:17:00.001-07:00

2011-06-25T06:28:00.001-07:00

2011-04-15T05:45:00.000-07:00

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You've come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

[Chorus]
What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say: "We have come now to the end"
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

[Chorus]

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West

2011-01-12T07:27:00.001-08:00

2011-01-04T16:41:00.000-08:00

Some people get to go to Paris, the City of Lights.

Others to Rome, the Eternal City.

And many other fantastic places that any one would like to be at any time.
Being fortunate enough to have been there, and realizing that I would not be able to be there, at least for the foreseeable future, is a pretty melancholic thought.

I long, just as I had always had, to go on a long holiday and rekindle that lost feeling of freedom, euphoria and relaxation as I sat on a plane to a land far far away, knowing that I was embarking upon a great escape from life, at least for a week or two.

I miss that feeling, and I know now what they mean to cherish what you have and the experiences you've faced, for when time erodes your memories of the past, all that remains are fleeting glimpses of the images that your head attempts to remember.

I wish now that then I had been old enough to appreciate the sights and the significance of what I had seen and felt.

Hopefully, the Legend of the Trevi Fountain is true, for then one day, I shall return to Rome, having triumphed over the obstacles that now block my roads to Rome and beyond.

What Life will be; without you.

2010-11-29T08:35:00.001-08:00

2010-11-20T19:09:00.000-08:00

Do you care if I don't know what to say,
Will you sleep tonight?
Will you think of me?

I have feelings too, do you care about how I feel?

Did you know I missed you?

2010-11-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

I miss

2010-10-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

I trust, I believe.

A paper once crumpled may never be perfect again, but I do not think that everything that I've held on to is paper thin.

I hold on, because of love and because of you.

But should you disappear, then I too, shall disappear.

I was never a strong person, I needed someone to assure me and reassure me that I am who I am.

And you did. For a long time, I woke up confidently and assuredly, knowing full well that there was this girl who meant everything to me and that I meant everything to her.

That was life; life and its purpose fulfilled.

I still live this life, for you are my waking morning and my setting sun.

Please don't do it again, it hurts and I don't think I can manage if it happens once more.

2010-08-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

A new beginning and a new life.

School is starting and I will survive.

2010-05-30T02:37:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long time, i didn't get to spend any part of my weekend with you.

I miss you :(

More than a week to go before i can see you again.

The Challenge.

2010-04-12T01:41:00.000-07:00

In life, Man faces a myriad of obstacles and difficulties.

In such times of hardship, many ponder why is life so tough and why do they face so much troubles.

Some even go to the extent of believing that life is rather meaningless.

I will not.

The test of a man's ability and strength is often in his ability to handle or face challenges and is determined by his choice; to run and escape in times of turmoil or run in headstrong,ever ready to defeat adversity.

I will look my enemies in the eye and overcome them.

Life does not give you problems so you may suffer,it gives you challenges so you may defeat them and grow stronger and to be a better person.

I am strong and nothing will break me.

2010-01-14T23:07:00.000-08:00

The Decade

2010-01-02T23:12:00.001-08:00

Amazing how fast time passes ain't it.

A decade ago i was a kid. A decade on and BAM! - I'm an adult.

As i'm blogging for the first time on my E72, and travelling on the train, let me reflect on the events of the previous decade.

2000 -2001 : The Sept 11 attacks occured. As a Primary 6 kid, i recalled my parents coming into my room at night before i turned in, telling me that America had been attacked. Their voices were grave and for the first time in my life then i sensed fear and uncertainty in their voices.

After a relatively peaceful decade, a decade of war began.

I did my PSLE that year, but i was already an avid news reader/watcher, having occasionally tuned to CNN and BBC when my favourite cartoons weren't on.

I saw the events of Sept 11 unfold and the events which followed on the news, but being a little kid back then, all i felt was the thrill of war and not the pain and problems it brought along.

2002 - 2005 : I entered Zhonghua Secondary as a plump quiet kid who always blushed easily and had bad bouts of nose bleeding halfway through lessons.

I had my first crush. I felt inferior for the first time in my life. I became a bad kid for the first time as well.

I fell for the typical teenage angst - i was more interested in how i looked instead of how my results slip looked.

I sought the things young teenagers wanted, money, attractive material goods and such.

I wanted to be cool, i had to be cool.

But i wasn't.

I had a role model back then, and he was my multi-girl dating,cool,suave eldest brother.

Somehow and rather fortunately for me, through my depressed thoughts and dieting efforts, i managed to slim down some extent and i grew horizontally as well.

So that pretty much curbed my 1st teenage angst, so i went on and fell for the 2nd equally common angst of teenage unrequited love and the stupidity that is now widely publicized by this blog. (well some what)

All the angst and "emo"ing earned me some sort of reputation as Timo Emo and the bad grades came along with misplaced priorities.

I didn't do well for my O levels unsurprisingly and my parents chose SRJC for me despite the fact that we just moved to a condo right beside IJC.

2006 - 2007 : In my SRJC class i was somewhat reunited with Jy,who was my lower sec classmate and good friend, and FQ, who was a long time student at my parents' tuition centre.

During my JC years, i was similarly frought with the stupidity that accompanied me in upper secondary and i wasted my studies away.

I had a clique of friends who i hung out with and made life bearable - the first year at SRJC we had pessismistic principal who openly told us we would fail on the first day, whereas the 2nd year saw a new principal who was an ex army officer and he employed techniques that bordered on brain washing and extreme lameness.

So eventually i obtained the shitty grades expected from my efforts. (or rather the lack of it)

I obtained an A in GP after falling in love with English because one could do so well in it without really studying.

Thankfully i possessed interest in teaching and often pictured how i could do things better than my teachers and NIE accepted me.

2007 - 2009 : December 2007 saw my enlistment into the army. Despite all my war-loving antics as a kid, I did not look forward to enlistment.

Although i'm still very much bitter with 2 years of involuntary servitude and serving people i would never consider to be my superior in any way, it is undeniable that army had its positive effects as well.

I met countless of "comrades" and "brothers" that went through pain and suffering along side me. These memories definitely would remain for many many years to come and spur me on in times of hardship.

Serving under various superiors, some whom i loathe,some whom i'll gladly call "brother", made me realize my snobbishness in the past.

I eventually managed to see the two sides of the coin - there were no nice guys nor bad guys, everyone is good and bad at the same time, it just depends on your luck and fortune to catch them at the wrong or right time. I had been a harsh judge of character in the past, and basically I just termed more or less anyone with a bad first impression as "riff-raff".

The army opened my eyes to the world.

Previously the immature me only had my home, my school and same hang out places as the world. I begun to see everything in a new light as i met other individuals with different beliefs and ways of thought as my world slowly grew bigger.

I was lucky to be in my vocation and everyone envied me and will continue to envy me whenever i tell them about my vocation as my vocation was very much different and truly was instrumental in opening my perspectives on the world.

And in the stroke of luck i've been riding, i found love as well.

Things changed - what seemed to be a growing world of my own, turned into an entirely different world of our own.

She was in everything, every thought, every action.

It was all connected - her eyes to mine, her smiles to mine, her hands to mine, her joy to mine, her heart to mine.

And the world became perfect. I got everything i'll ever need as 2009 drew to its close.

So as i head into 2010, i stand defiant of the obstacles and challenges ahead, even as my parents face financial turmoil and I would have to say good bye to my condo housing and such, the decade has made me stronger in every way, and i've gained love and many friends who would be there when i need them.

The future beckons and I am ready to face it.

(and I hope you, dear friend and reader, will similarly feel the same and let the good memories of the previous decade which we shared serve as a reminder of the good times you had and as a pillar of strength to strive towards equally good, if not better days ahead!)

Bedshaped

2009-12-22T08:42:00.000-08:00

So many things have changed and are changing.

I have ORD-ed, but it doesn't feel like much, probably because the tight knot around the neck had been loosening towards the end of the 2 years of servitude.

Its been 4 good months with my love, and i hope and want to say that it has been 16 good months of love and relationship in a year's time.

Things in my family have changed as well.

I remember a time when i was much younger, probably about Primary 3.

My Mum was adjusting my clothes, helping me tuck in i think, and she was telling me that if people asked me how wealthy my family was, I shouldn't be boastful and simply ought to say that I am well to do.

I guess I can't really say that now.

Yes, times are getting harder and worse. We shall be moving out soon, in an attempt to both earn some cash from the unit's sale and to cut costs.

And the sad thing is that I don't know if things will improve anytime soon. Optimistically I would hope it would, but realistically and honestly, I doubt so.

Still, no harm hoping and praying that my family's fortunes would change, so I shall do that whenever I can.

However, I cannot just sit there and hope foolishly, I too, must help improve my family fortunes, so that everyone in my family can enjoy and be happy.

Sometimes I have the desire to buy something nice, to wear, to eat, for myself or for my girlfriend, or even for my family, and it is simply dispiriting and despondent to find my bank account empty.

So I have to work hard, for myself and those around me.
I have to work hard, in the future and now, to do the best i can to support my family and my love, to be the finest I can.

And I must, this time, because I have to.

her voice is as beautiful as my beautiful love.

2009-12-06T07:44:00.001-08:00

2009-11-26T01:36:00.001-08:00

So much closer to ORD.

:)

our future, our star, is shining bright.

2009-11-02T03:15:00.000-08:00

Halloween was pretty great, everyone was so dressed up and the entire Clarke Quay had such a relaxing and carefree atmosphere so unlike Singapore typically. Everyone was kinda friendly, everyone was happy (although probably high too lol).

I enjoyed it, thanks to my sexy love ;)

Anyway I've been listening to this song pretty often lately, I find it inspiration, for the days that obstacles and work pull me apart from my love, I know I'll just have to hang on, keep swimming against the tide and I'll be in her arms again during the weekends.

I love you Ivy Wong Xiu Fang, you are my strength and the one and only precious thing in the world worthed giving my all. :)

You gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music that saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far to fall off the earth

The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You've gotta swim
Through nights that wont end
Swim for your families
Your lovers
Your sisters and brothers
And friends
You've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite of the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting
And wait for the spark
You've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think

The currents will drag us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

i'm falling even more in love with you.

2009-10-13T23:42:00.001-07:00

2009-09-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

Today, before I started my first tuition class, I sat down and had lunch in my Dad's office. I was reading through Primary English, trying to remember all the grammar that i have forgotten - adverbs, pronouns, etc - and my Dad made some Chinese Tea. (Note that I have to capitalize names because names are Proper Nouns. Although I will definitely get bored of doing this sometime soon.)

As I sipped the Chinese Tea, I cannot help but realize two things.

Firstly, it has been a long long time since my family sat down together somewhere nice, in a restaurant perhaps, to have a meal, high tea or Dim Sum. I remember the good ol' fat Timmy days when we used to frequent buffet restaurants every weekend or head to some nice high tea place on a slack week day after my AM session in school.

It was great, because the food was awesome, the food is free (double awesome!) and I was always in my parents care. It felt good and it felt safe, knowing that nothing would go wrong and that eventually (sometimes after much grumbling cause my Mum loves shopping) I would get on my Dad's car and he'll drive me home when its bed time.

Now I am much older, and in my parents eyes, grown up. The luxury of having my parents by my side all the time, is gone. Although it is great to enjoy such freedom, I doubt anyone wouldn't miss the free food, free rides and company of your parents/family. I seriously do miss it, and I swear I'll eat more the next time my family heads out. Heh.

Secondly, I've realized that nobody ever really sits down to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee anymore.

Everyone is so busy, worrying and hurrying about this and that and that and this that they have absolutely forgotten to enjoy most of the simple pleasures of life.

One would be too caught up - thinking of ways to earn more cash, ways to escape work and yet get promoted, when they are going to get laid, what food to eat for the next meal, what bargains or benefits to get from doing whatever, how to lose more weight, how to grow taller, how to get laid more, what gifts to buy for so and so, what they can do to improve their lives, what dream car to buy, and so so so so so so so so much more!

Facing the hustle and bustle of life, I cannot help but look through the eyes of the children I teach. The simple life they lead and the simple few things they care about - when will class end, what's for dinner, what will happen in school and what's on TV,etc.

It seems that the older we grow, the more we burden ourselves with, be it thoughts of work, romance, money, and many more issues or problems.

I can see why everyone just keeps on pushing forward and no one would want to stop and take a rest in our rapidly moving and constantly hectic environment since no one wants to lose out, but I guess for one to be truly happy, one has to give up trying to catch up with the best, and be contented with what they have and know that what they have is the best for them and that they will be happy with it.

But can any of us be truly satisfied?

(Who wouldn't want more money? To improve themselves? To have a better life?)

(At least in terms of love, I would want nothing more and nothing less but Ivy the beautiful. :D )

2009-09-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

Just about 48 hours ago, was the start of Sept 14.

A day to celebrate - it was my 20th birthday as well as a milestone as it was 3 months more till my ORD.

I would firstly like to thank everyone who have wished me well and everyone who had celebrated my birthday with me, particularly my family, my close friends and my beloved.

Without any of them, i would not have been as happy as i was. I particularly thank Jy and Desmond for their generosity on Sat, and my beloved for everything on Sunday and Monday. :)

Now that time has flown by in terms of National Service days, i cannot help but anticipate school life eagerly.

Those who are currently schooling think that i am insane, but i believe that this feeling is shared by everyone who is currently in National Service.

I cannot wait to return to a life of normality, where i would have relatively more freedom to act and most importantly, to once again be a civilian. All these i hope, will once again inspire me to write more, and perhaps be more bitchy, which in turn should churn out more writing materials, thoughts and creative juices for me in all forms of avenues, be it poetry,essays, stories, blogposts, blah blah.

I also cannot wait for the end of my National Service because I definitely want more free time to spend with Ivy the Beautiful. I dread and hate it whenever time runs out too fast and we have to be separated, initially because i had to go to work the next day, but now because we both have to go to work the next day.

I look forward to Feb next year, when she would have finished her attachment and we can perhaps spend an entire week or more alone with each other and nothing to separate us again!

Well okay honestly I believe that this blog post is written ratherly oddly because I am sleepy but I did not wish to forget to blog about my wonderful birthday.

Ah well.

A few last points:

1) Armani rings are super damn awesome.

2) Ebay is pretty good shopping >_>.

3) I am glad for the friends that I have.

4) I am glad that my love has truly met my immediate family.

5) I am glad that my love exists.

6) and I love her so. :)

2009-09-05T09:32:00.001-07:00

I LOVE IVY THE BEAUTIFUL! :)

2009-08-13T19:38:00.001-07:00

Hmm, i've read through some of my old entries recently, out of boredom and partly cause my beloved keeps reading them(lol), and realized that for a year or so now, most of my entries are pretty short and are hardly much food for thought.

But oh well, i shall excuse myself since i am not allowed to blog or tell anything that i do from the army, particularly if its something i wish to complain about, since i am an idealist and often find my idealistic views wane as i go about my national service and life in general.

I am afraid however, that this will not be a long entry full of drive and vivid expressions of my views in life or things as i do not have much time right now. (typical excuse i guess >_>)

I have 3 main reasons of writing this entry.

Firstly, i wish to write more so as to improve my rapidly declining English standard. My lack of involvement in an educational institution of my level and in any form of intellectual discussion on a regular basis has diminished my vocabulary, grammar, spelling and possibly my writing skills.

Hopefully i can write or blog more and try to maintain, if not to sharpen my English as my school term is just a year away.

Secondly, i wish to mark and celebrate a monumental event, which is my 20th month anniversary of my enlistment into National Service, and also my last 4 months of service.

I can't wait. Imagine the time i could spend with my love, particularly in December :).

Lastly, and most importantly, i wish to make known once again, that i really really really absolutely completely totally and unflinchingly love you, beautiful.

2009-08-10T07:00:00.001-07:00

The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return.

Moulin Rouge is a great movie, romantic, humourous, yet maintaining a rather 'high' atmosphere for most of the film and to eventually climax at a tragic ending.

This mixed explosion of emotions is so rare nowadays as we are exposed to the myriad of chick flicks and senseless action films that favour hot girls, muscled men, fast cars and kungfu kicks.

Oh well, at least here and there there will be a rare gem of a movie for us to appreciate.

Which reminds me that Overheard is actually a rather intelligent and tense thriller movie, which beats most of the English films this year!

Hmm, i think i'm sidetracking from what i intend to write in this post, so i shall stop doing so.

Here is the wonderful song from the movie:

Dear Miss Beautiful,

I want you to know that i will love you too, come what may.

:)

PS: See, another happy post! :)

2009-08-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. - Victor Hugo.

It is truly an unbelievable feeling, to be appreciated and complimented by a loved one.

Somehow, you feel this amazingly wonderful sense of new found confidence, as if you were the greatest, as if nothing else mattered anymore, nothing else but her.

For now you rule the world, because she has always meant the world to you and all you ever need now is her.

I want this feeling to stay, and I want you to feel it too, if you haven't.

The best part of everything, i feel, is that the best has yet to come.

:D

PS: I hope.

Say it like you mean it.

2009-07-25T02:18:00.001-07:00

With Me - Sum 41

2009-07-20T04:58:00.000-07:00

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

You're the Queen of Everything.

2009-07-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

Picture you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
Steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time, time and time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x4]

If only..

2009-07-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
this moment we share together
and the streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

I'll try my best to be sweeter to you, love.

2009-07-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

why i have i been so slow to see?

the words she used were so obvious, yet i was foolish to be caught up in my own hopes and dreams.

hopes and dreams that shouldn't have been growing over time.

this feeling sucks, yet i should have known.

How stupid of you, timothy.

2009-07-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

I've been roaming around always lookin down at all I see.
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach.
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
And all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers undercover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me
Somebody
(Go and let it out)
Someone like you
Somebody
Someone like you
Somebody
Someone like you
Somebody
I've been roaming around always lookin down at all I see

The best feeling in the world, is to love and be loved.

I don't know when that will happen to me.

2009-07-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

2009-06-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
it's always you in my big dreams

And you tell me
That it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And you're restless
And I'm naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
no, could you let me go
I didn't think so

and you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
the present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
and it did because of me

And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live

I had these dreams, in them I learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But damn it you're so young
But I don't think I care
and if I hurt you then i'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy

And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what it's like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking, what I was thinking
But we've been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do
Was touch her long blonde hair
And I've been thinking
It hurts me thinking
That these nights when we were drinking
No they never got us anywhere, no

This is because I can spell konfusion with a K
And I can like it
It's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
I'm not your star
Isn't that what you said?
what you thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what I did to you
All the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine

They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No

This is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
Hey, You know, you keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these fucked up things I did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine

Spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And I said,
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you

I miss you

And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no No,
And then you'll kiss me in your living room, oh
I know you miss me in your living room
Cause these nights I think maybe that I miss you in my living room
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live

...My Konstantine.

I have to stop acting like this, we're not.. that close yet and we may never be.

2009-06-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Time is flying as i look back, but 5months and 20++ days is a long wait to endure for me to be able to ORD.

So many things have happened over the past few months, over such a short period that i cannot believe that they occurred.

Army life is still the same for now, i do what i am told to do, and do my best, whilst trying to make things better for me and everyone else.

If it weren't for you, i would have been plain bored out and miserable. There would have been nothing to look forward to and nothing to help me pull through when training/things get hard. There would have been alot less smiles and less joy, my life would have been dull black and white.

I am thankful that i have met you, and i will cherish. Whatever happens and whatever comes, I or in fact we, might not be able to control but know that you will always be the same special person i take you to be, no matter rain or shine, fat or thin, tall or short, pretty or ugly, stupid or smart, young or old, etc.

I can do nothing much, but wait and hope that i will one day, be as important to you as you are to me.

Although i am not a christian at all, i quote

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It is so true, and i hope i can adhere to it.
Actions speak louder than words, you are right. I hope my actions over time will be loud enough.

If you ever did told me that I was the only one for you, I swear that i'll hold on to you and never let you go or let you down. I'll be there to offer a helping hand and be with you till the end.

one last song for the last hour of the weekend.

2009-06-14T02:56:00.000-07:00

2009-06-14T02:40:00.000-07:00

Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before I was sure?

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(She is the one), and I have to fight this,
(she is the one), the villain I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(she is the one), and I will be haunted,
(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say.
Still I will always fight on for you.

(Instrumental)

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say.
Still I will always fight on for you.
Fight on for you...
Fight on for you...

2009-06-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

I said, "I've got to be honest,
I've been waiting for you all of my life."

2009-06-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wonder, if i actually do mean anything to you.

2009-06-02T05:13:00.001-07:00

Its in you. :)

2009-06-01T04:05:00.001-07:00

As I sat down, i realized that in truth, nothing has been concretely said or confirmed.

It could all be easily, the work of my wishful mind.

Keep firmly on to a little hope, or, simply not hold on to any?

This time, things are different, but is it true that the more you want it, the harder it is for you to get it?

2009-05-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 430am, and listened to the song that was in my head - Clark Gable by The Postal Service.

I realized, when I said goodbye, I did so to something so much more.

I made a mental note not to be so foolish again.

I was waiting for a cross-town train
In the London underground
When it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find
A love that would look and sound
Like a movie
So I changed my plans
I rented a camera and a van
And then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again"
And you agreed to

I want so badly to believe
That there is truth, that love is real
And I want life in every word
To the extent that it's absurd

I greased the lens and framed the shot
Using a friend
As my stand-in
The script, it called for rain
But it was clear that day
So we faked it
The marker snapped
And I yelled, "Quiet on the set!"
And then called, "Action!"
And I kissed you in a style
Clark Gable would have admired
(I thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe
That there is truth, that love is real
And I want life in every word
To the extent that it's absurd

I know you're wise beyond your years
But do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie
You tell yourself to help you get by?

Cascade

2009-05-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

Cascade(draft)

Eyes wide.
You flash.
I breathe
in a dash
of your scent.
How long more can I pretend?

Each day a false start,
with the guise of you here
to mend the broken heart.
Stay close and stay near,
We're rehearsing the "I'll make breakfast" part.
Just hang on my dear.

On my feet to crack the shutters,
let in the sun that shines for you.
Watch the trees and leaves shudder,
and the birds sing in cue.
Everything fits into place with you.

Then you smile,
and make my world worthwhile.

Nothing else matters,
but i'm afraid reality shatters,
and the masquerade is in tatters.

How long more could I pretend?
I am but a friend.

Eyes grieve.
You leave.
I breathe
in a hint
of alcohol.
How much more can I drink?

2009-05-15T18:46:00.001-07:00

well i guess that explains.

i should stop dreaming and hoping already i guess, i am only a friend, while he's more than that.

2009-05-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

and you can't lose what you never had,
i don't understand why i feel sad.

if it only it was always so simple, so perfect.

i guess if it was meant to be so easy, everyone would be happily married already.

2009-05-09T04:17:00.000-07:00

i dont know what i ought to do.

heart or head?

A Single Heartbeat.

2009-04-27T23:35:00.001-07:00

A Single Heartbeat

A lonely alley,
a deserted street.
An abandoned town,
an empty world.
A single heartbeat.

Lost,
without a cause.
Hollow,
with nowhere to go.

A drop in the ocean,
a meaningless existence.
Caught in life's transition,
forgotten in people's confusion.

But there came a light.

Amidst the blurred faces
and the gloom;
among the passerbys
and beyond the fake smiles;
a special heartbeat.

Hope.
Life's obstacles are easy to cope.
Joy,
days are easy to enjoy.

A ship with a captain,
destination is certain.
Heavy winds may hold us at berth,
but we will pull through with our love.

Two single heartbeats combined,
you and I-
a single heartbeat.

Started - 140309
Written - 210409

Guard 3 duty is sometimes fairly inspirational. lol.

2009-04-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Fully Alive
More than most, ready to smile and love life
Fully Alive now she knows how to believe in futures

Here she stands today
In her brilliant shining way

The Wait

Just what i was thinking?

Doubts form.
Uncertainty.

What if this isn't it?

Once again-
emptiness,
indifference?

Give me a hint.
Or maybe i was too blind to see.
This is way too early to think,
but i really need to know how this will turn out to be.

No Sunlight

2009-04-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

Title: No Sunlight

Artist: Death Cab For Cutie

When I was young
Lying in the grass
I felt so safe
In the warming bath

Of sunlight
Of sunlight

Vast open sky
Could do no harm
Like an embrace
From mother's arms

In sunlight
In sunlight

In sunlight
In sunlight

With every year
That came to pass
More clouds appeared
'Til the sky went black, and there was

No sunlight
No sunlight
And there was

No sunlight
No sunlight
Anymore

And it disappeared at the same speed
As the idealistic things I believed
The optimist died inside of me

No sunlight
No sunlight

No sunlight
No sunlight

And it disappeared at the same speed
As the idealistic things I believed
The optimist died inside of me

No sunlight
No sunlight

No sunlight
No sunlight

No sunlight
No sunlight
No sunlight
No sunlight
No sunlight
Anymore

2009-04-12T04:56:00.000-07:00

You should know, that i'll do anything.

Anything for you.

2009-04-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

She calls out the farther that I fly
I love that sound so give me one more line
From the sky she pulled me down tonight
Let her go

Well maybe time will tell.

Life is just passing by nowadays, a bit of shine, abit of dust.

I'm glad at least, that i am indifferent instead of feeling tragically sad and whatever, you know.

At least I can look forward to certain random days where something special does happen.

Hahah, anyway i applied for a Mastercard (its debit, not credit). But hey, its one small step for me, and a giant step towards spending freely and incurring debts and crashing the economy like everyone else.

Online shopping anyone?!

On a sad note however, because nothing especially special is occurring in my life i have absolutely nothing special to talk about or anything heart burning to discuss (well somewhat).

Hmmmmm.

Or well actually i think the reason for blogging no longer exists.

Lets see, why would i blog?

1) I have something i really really want to let about a particular thing or person but i cannot do so except in methods such as blogging.

2) I am wooing a person and am trying to impress with my wisdom or whatever crap and poems.

3) I am desperate for attention from people.

4) I have nothing better to do.

Hmmmmm, well.

Lets decipher them one by one shall we?

1) I can't really post stuff about my army life, and anyway its quite okay so nothing to say there.

2) I'm not really dating anyone so, nothing to impress and utterly ZERO inspiration for any lame-o-poems.

3) I realized my blog isn't very well-read by anyone, so blogging here won't gain me any limelight or attention. lol.

4) I have a pretty good PC and PS3 and i have friends( i think).

Oh well?

Why am i even writing this!?!

I don't know really, maybe you can tell me, if you ever read this.

2009-03-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

Remember that you're one of the lucky ones,
And if it's over,
Just remember what I told you,
It was bound to happen so just...
Keep moving on,
There are no perfect endings,
No perfect endings.

So I deferred my NIE admission to the next year.

Hmm, at least now I can really finish my NS liability for good.

And I'll have more time to train up hahah.

I still stick to what i said before, that i am still a work in progress.

I shouldn't give a shit about the past and the people that will come to pass.

I will continue my strive for self improvement and excellence. I must, and i will.

You cannot achieve something or attain something, lest you believe in it. I believe in you and I believe in the possibility of destiny.

I believe the future will be good.

Shit and tougher days will come, yes. But nothing will stop you from moving on, except you yourself.

There is no one who can stop you except yourself. It is your path to take and your greatness to seize.

No one is worthy of judging you except yourself.

The Future is Tomorrow (literally)

2009-03-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

This is it.

I guess.

The future awaits, i don't know if i will regret, but i know i will give it my best shot.

I'm nervous and paranoid.

At least now my passbook no longer has the children account and the @!$!$ teddy bear picture >_>'.

I will do this right. You were the screw up, not me.

2009-03-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Switchfoot - Only Hope

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again

I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

The Melodramatic Dream

2009-03-16T04:22:00.000-07:00

Following the events of a painful second dream, I went to look for you.

You told me you had to leave, you were going to some war zone, as some sort of aid worker or something like that.

So I followed.

I remembered images of myself following you as we carried some crates and boxes.

I remembered holding some boxes in my arms and kicking an empty cardboard box around, which oddly had the words "Nuclear Warhead" on it.

Well, all of a sudden there was a chaotic moment of which i could only remember the noises of war.

The next moment I found you on a makeshift bed and you were screaming.

You had a huge island shaped(i dont know how to describe it) wound on your face, on your right, with the length approximately from your lower eyelid to your mouth, the width from your nose to the end of your eye.

And you were screaming.

I could remember that you said were disfigured for life or something like that.

I then, akin to a dramatic film, said, "Even if you had such a scar i would still love you no matter what!"

But you kept screaming in pain.

All i could remember next was me running to grab some chemically filled syringe. The thought on my mind then was that it was Botox or something like that.

It was supposed to make things right.

"This will make things right, this will fix it." I told you hurriedly amid your cries.

I remembered injecting the centre of your wound with the syringe..

And then my alarm clock rang.

Tiger Lily

2009-03-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

We drive tonight,
And you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
Like we've known each other forever.
The time flies by,
With the sound of your voice.
Its close to paradise,
With the end surely near.
And if i could only stop the car
And hold onto you,
And never let go (and never let go)
I'll never let go (i'll never let go)
As we round the corner
To your house
You turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you
For this one night we have spent."
And, i want to speak these words
But i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
And accept "someday, somehow"
As the words that we'll hang from.

And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.

Why does tonight, have to end?
Why don't we hit restart,
And pause it at our favorite parts.
We'll skip the goodbyes.
If i had it my way,
I'd turn the car around and runaway,
Just you and i.

And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)
And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words
'cause i, i don't want to make things
And i, i don't want to make things any worse

Dream To Make Believe

2009-03-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

ARMOR FOR SLEEP

"Dream To Make Believe"

It's funny how
things work out,
the ones we need
don't know we're there
If I were sand
and you were oceans,
the moon would be
why you're pulled to me

I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can't ever be
the one person that won't ever forget me

I hope that dreams
come when I die
so we can talk
I won't wake up
I'll ask you how
your life worked out
I'll never know
that I'm just dreaming

I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can't ever be
the one person that won't ever forget me

Let me sleep some more
Let me sleep some more
Let me sleep some more
Let me sleep some more
Let me sleep some more
Let me sleep some more
Let me sleep some more
Let me sleep some more

[10pm isn't too early nowadays]

2009-03-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone will get what they deserve, its only a matter of time.

honestly you @!$!@%%@!@. ( no not you i'm not so immature to curse you, at least not now.)

Your Name Here.

2009-03-11T03:32:00.001-07:00

Stop.

Stop.

As much as i would really want to immaturely flame you, curse you and hate you, it is completely harsh, rash and pointless.

I was stupid then, i can't be stupid now.

Turn back time, 2 years ago, i tried to forget you by insanely branding you after everything that was evil and bad, everything hideous was associated with you, so much so that i would not dare to give examples.

It was the only way my retarded brain could handle the pain.

To hate you, as everything that was shitty, and to put them all away, hidden deep in the caverns, only to be visited on the days when i am most alone, when i would slowly remember and rehearse how we first got to know each other, when i foolishly asked you some simple physics questions on msn.

How we used to call each other at night.

How we spent the days in school, writing silly letters over my lit and your geo class.

How I was so excited to read the letters every day.

How I couldn't understand why you chose him over me.

How my ideals didn't understand why you picked him but you still liked me.

How my head would think and think - and hurt and hurt each time.

How I angrily decided to just throw everything away and walk away.

How I felt betrayed that you asked me out to recruit me for multi level marketing.

I still remember your words and the pain.

I remember your indignant face as you refused to look at me that day at Cityhall, when i returned the stupid book your stupid mentor lent to me.

I remember being close to tears as i walked away quickly, claiming that i had to return to school.

I remember everything.

All I did each day was to force all the thoughts and emotions away, and try to cope with life as it came, but as it came I just foolishly went ahead to pass on each day without you in my life, and to forgo studies, to forgo friends, to forgo the fun JC life was supposed to be.

But i thought i forgot you already.

By just meeting up with you for some occasions recently, everything i've put into play and action to forget you were instantly gone and forgotten.

Like a kid amazed and desirous of ice cream or candy or toys, i simply put aside everything and my heart and mind just paced and rushed over to you.

I thought there was something special, whenever we meet.

Your smile, your bright dancing eyes, your everything just overwhelmed my head and silly thoughts of love were revived.

Stupid.

I thought too much of those fleeting moments where we behaved like we were more than friends.

I don't know.

I don't suppose you ever felt the same way it

I had loved you much more than you had ever known and everything i did , said and wished were all in sole intentions of impressing you or making you happy.

I guess you never saw it.

I didn't mind having no money left for other occasions just to spend it when i was with you.

I didn't mind cancelling plans, pissing people off here and there.
I didn't mind anything in fact. I cherished the time we had.

But the inevitable fact was that you treated me as a friend.

I was a friend.

A friend.

I don't know. There is just so much pain and emotions, to simply think of being together with someone who i love so much, but yet hurt me so much. I still remember how you told me that whatever happened to me 2 years ago was simply something a million guys in the world would experience.

I don't even know why the fuck i am writing all these shit, perhaps they are just a fucking pathetic attempt by my wimpy brain in hope that you might actually feel something.

Maybe i just feel like my feelings were cheated, not once but twice.
Not by two people, but the same person.

Maybe i should sit down and realise :

I love you, you don't love me. There's nothing to say here.

You love him, and your love story will continue.

I am foolish.

Goodbye this fucking thing.

More than a million guys in the world would have flings with girls who are attached, I'm probably the only one in the world stupid enough to fucking think about having a chance with the same girl again under the SAME conditions.

Fuck this. Time and fate will decide accordingly.

I suppose we'll never speak again.

2009-03-05T18:04:00.001-08:00

A useful tip - don't think.

too much at least.

The future awaits.

just for you.

2009-03-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

I wrote some poems for you today,
but i decided to throw it all away.

I've been feeling so fine
since you've been off my mind.

So why should i write something for you that you don't deserve?
So here's a little complain with a touch of verve.

Listen baby girl,
you may have used to make my world,
you have been all i used to think about,
now i just wanna shout,
"oh fuck.
you suck,
yeah, you're just a slut."

I wanted to give you everything i've got,
I guess you didn't think that that was alot.

I would have died for you,
if you told me to.
And not like you didn't have a clue,
you just treated me like a fool..

Well I could be your light,
the man who walks with you through the world's sights.

I could have been your ATM,
and even your chauffeur man.

We could have in the sand,
walking in hand,
let our feets get wet,
kiss in the sunset.

I could be your sun.
and even father your son.

I could have been your life, your best friend,
but baby now its just the end.

(i swear i was rapping in my head when i wrote this, i woke up for the toilet at 6am and this rhythm and some words just came into my head lol)

mmh friends.

2009-03-02T20:44:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny, how everyone at some point of time would tell you, "Hey, i'll be here for you" or, "I'll always be here."

Yet they would only really appear interested in your life and everything when you start going to them and telling them how everything is going bad bla bla bla blah.

Real friends don't do that, because they'll always be talking to you regularly, to know how things are going for you, and to really offer you the company, advice and aid that you need.

I quote, "a friend will help you move houses; a true friend will help you move a body." (or something along that line.)

And i guess its the true friend that is hard to find.

Most people we see or find are those who would tag along with you till your work/ school term is over, as a form of and part of a human's basic need for companionship.

Mainly, they just use you for their entertainment. Although usually alot more, in terms of the advantages they might get, like uh free meals or car rides if you're rich, some academic tips if you're a good student, bla blah.

The real true friends are those who do stick with you through thick and thin.

Like really.

Not those who would talk to you once in a blue moon and say "OH HI HOW ARE YOU!?!! WE SHOULD MEET UP SOMEDAY! MISS YOU XOXO"

Real friends.

I need more of them.

So do you.

so i see.

2009-02-27T07:38:00.000-08:00

I've come to see it.

It is done.

Now we wait, for my elbow to recover at least.

The physician says it will take another 2 weeks. Bah, at least now it only hurts when i bent it or straighten it.

I wanna recover fast and continue physical training.. i feel quite flabby because i've not done much exercise for the past week cause of this!

Oh well, dark clouds will form and rain, but the sun will shine again.

And for you my dear friend, regrets are abound, for you and your own disaster.

2009-02-19T07:20:00.000-08:00

people, who wait, who wait for the many precious loves in life are the ones who cherish and understand.

girls who wait, are the ones boys should be waiting for.

And so it begins, my epic quest and possibly poetry laced week ahead hereby entitled "how to forget a girl in 5 days."

I shouldn't be waiting for you.

I'm done waiting.

St. Valentine's.

2009-02-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

This year i promise i won't write an emo timo valentine's day blog message.

On this special day, Feb 14, i hereby have 10 more months before my ORD.

When i ORD, life is going to be great.

I'm going to go to university, learn how to be a better teacher, finally be able to study, and meet new friends.

Life is going to be great.

I will forget her, get a good allowance, and continue to teach on my free time.

I will be financially sound, and continue to pay my saving plans premium.

Wait, life is going to be good from today onwards, not 10 months from now!

I will soon sign up for driving tests, lessons etc. And owing to my natural skill in driving (i won't really say how i found out :P) i will pass by this year.

Hopefully, if finances work out for my parents and myself, i can afford a car.
(if i could i'll buy your car, james, but i am alittle afraid it might be too small for someone my size lol)

Yea anyway, i'll be driving soon so i won't have to face to hassle of public transports.

But i'll sorely miss seeing and eyeing cute girls on the train or on the bus.
(don't you ever have your moments where this cute girl/guy(for girls) just seems to keep looking into your eye and you can't help it but do the same?)

On the brightside, now that i drive, i not only have convenience on my side, but i will be much more confident in a lot of things that i can do. (ie, to date girls out LOL)

Life is going to be good.

Next Valentine's day would be fun, i won't be waking up feeling a little sad and playing "Tears don't fall" by Bullet for my Valentine because i thought about her.

She will pass from my mind like the every day fleeting sunset or sunrise.

There will be a much better person waiting out there.

Someone right will come along, and i swear i'll do my best to make her the luckiest girl in the world (however cheesy this will sound.)

But hey its true, i've been waiting for you! :)

Life is going to be good.

Nothing in the near future is going to be as bad as now, everything is looking up, including the economy.

Time will heal all wounds, lessen the scars of the past, and bring good fortune.

I will write better poems and get better inspiration too.

(lol im just throwing random wishes here)

I will get a six pack and never have to worry about wearing slightly tighter shirts again.

I will probably get lasik surgery and not have to wear bloody specs again.

Uh.. Life is going to be great, so dear me, dear friends and fellow comrades in arms, if you wake up to uncertainty, fear, or simply think that life is crap, just look ahead.

Nothing will go wrong.

Life may be hard but if you pull through every little annoying ass piece of shit obstacle that jumps out at you, you're going to make it.

You're going to make it big and succeed.

Life is going to be great. :)

hmm.

2009-02-13T18:21:00.000-08:00

Its Valentine's Day!! WOOOHOO.

ITS SO EXCITING YAY~~~~!

Or.. well,

time for my tuition classes..

so 2007.

2009-02-12T00:32:00.000-08:00

A Table Set For Two

Candles flicker softly on a table set for two,
There's no one on the earth tonight except for me and you.

A nice romantic dinner and a bottle of chilled wine,
And we are here together in a moment stopped in time.

A love so few have ever known and this is it's birth night,
Alone within our little world, you and I and candlelight.

So soon we will set free the feelings that we want to share.
And I am held here spellbound by your laughter in the air.

Thoughts of love like falling leaves,
Swirling in the autumn breeze,

Flow in our minds and in our eyes,
A tender look and longing sighs,

We touch and as the fire starts,
That we have kindled in our hearts,

We kiss and hear the angels sing,
As heavens gift to me you bring,

No more to live my life alone,
And in your soul I found my home,

At peace within your loving arms,
Captivated by your charms,

And happily I'd die for you,
Here at this table set for two

2009-02-11T06:45:00.000-08:00

"Memory" - Sugarcult

This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
(I'd be your memory)
Feelings disappeared.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?

this just seems so appropriate right now. sigh.

growing up and old.

2009-02-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

I had to force myself up from bed today to get to work (tuition).

I felt really burnt out after a rather tiring week, and i wanted oh so dearly to just lie in bed the whole bloody day, and to take the day off.

But i realized, as i forcefully dragged myself into the shower, that i can't afford to be like this anymore.

I've done stuff like these for quite a few years - oh i woke up felt like shit,thought about this girl and that, so i took MC from school etc.

I can't do it anymore.

I'm 19, 20 this year.

Its time to grow up.

I cannot afford to be emo and whatever shit and just simply act immature and leave everything irresponsibly handled and hanging.

Life has to go on, no matter what fucking obstacles lie ahead of you.

All you need is inner strength, inner courage, to stand strong, to stand up and you'll pull through.

Everything has a beginning and an end.

So does pain.

Life must go onnnnnnnnnnnn. Goodbye to you.

pain.

2009-02-06T03:12:00.000-08:00

The Script
Before The Worst

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day that you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin City on a Friday night
You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Is trying to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Let's try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain
Are you hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
Set you a drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you were mine for life

We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Is trying to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Let's try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to, just like we use to

Let's take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Let's try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

I don't know why i am feeling all these shit. I don't want it, i don't want a repeat of everything either.

This song is a bit of how i feel, combined with about 20 other songs or something.

If only it could be simpler.

If only.

If you were here, i'll always be beside you.

But you're happy where you are now, i ought to be happy and comforted.

I ought to just stand up and walk away.

But part of me, immaturely wishes that you would feel pain too, just so you can have a slice of how i feel.

Maybe i need faith.
Maybe i need to believe.
But i definitely need to know if you even feel too.

But we probably would never talk about this.

Maybe i need to cut it all off.
Forget it and hide all the pain away.

Stuff them somewhere i'll never see again as long as i'll never hear your name again.

Have you ever noticed and wondered why i've never called your name out loud before?

The simple thought of you, of your name, of everything little thing that you have said and done, brings a hell lot of pain and love at the same time.

I love you to bits, but i hate you for all the pain.

How am i supposed to feel, to walk alone and wonder how blissful you could be?

To lie awake on the bed each time i try to sleep, to ponder on thoughts of you till i sleep?

To think of how things could be going for you, and get insanely jealous?

My mind is fucking confused, my heart fucking hurts.
I don't know what to say, what to do.

You might not even feel the same way at all.

Maybe i should just walk away.

But i know for sure, I really really do love you. The fact that i've not walked away and have been hanging around, is because of that, because of you.

I could pretend nothing happened, i could really walk away, but i know i'll never find another person that i would love so much..

Tears Fall Too Easy

2009-01-29T18:55:00.000-08:00

Pain is good.
Have some more.
Squeeze them all into a pint,
drink it up, forget it all.

They'll come back to you
in a few hours time.
Laugh,smile,sing and dance
time can be very unkind.

How things could be,
you could have followed me
to a place of us and we.

I was ready to give everything away,
so that you would wait awhile, maybe stay.

But you picked him and him and him and him and him.
Always him and never Tim.

I want so badly to say that you are mine.
But love and lover never gave a dime.

A day with my BFF -- myself?

2009-01-29T00:58:00.000-08:00

So another day is about to pass and i spent the entire day doing nothing fruitful.

I regret having taken leave, a long holiday only makes me feel like i have ORD-ed and makes me feel so civilian like.

When i woke up today, i thought about the same old things i'll always think about, and decided to get started on a book i've always thought of writing, but realised i've got no inspiration for the plot, unlike last time >_>. So i came up with a poem title, entitled "tears fall a little too easy" but stopped at the title.

Right, another entry of uncompleted poems in my phone.

Well then i decided to game on my PC, played a bit, lost a game, cursed and swore.

I decided to play my PS3 for a change, played a bit, lost a game, cursed and swore.

I gave up gaming, decided to move some of my clothes over to my new room, and couldn't find a particular shirt i wore recently. OK, i get worked up a little too easy (wow worked up a little too easy seems like another poem title) over small things so i went on a frenzy around the house but couldn't find it. And so i cursed, and swore.

I think i have an unusually bad habit of taunting myself though. Like, a tiny voice behind my head would taunt me on the things i do and try to convince me away from what i am doing.

An example today would be when i put my lunch of McChicken and regular fries into my mouth and the tiny voice went " Oh now, don't you like that fat boy?"

Well the tiny voice is speaking right now actually, asking me what in the blue hell am i writing about.

This entire entry makes no sense whatsoever. If you're confused at this point of reading this nonsensical entry, don't worry, so am i. (edit: don't worry, its almost over.)

Hm.

Now i understand why they say that solitude could drive a man crazy.

I think i'm in too much of a "trying to act smart" with a british accent mood right now to think about my book or to finish this entry sensibly with a typical moral of the story shit.

Now did that make any sense??!

GARHH i think i'll stop here.

Ciao, the few friends who actually bothered to read this.
You're my best pal to take the effort to read all the way here.
You deserve some sort of reward/present. PLEASE MSN ME. lol.

reflections.. again?

2009-01-27T19:50:00.000-08:00

In the previous few days i've learnt that many many things are never never what your ideal wishes for and expects.

Somethings, some days, some people, just suck. But these are the things, days and people you'll forget.

There's no point trying to find good in the bad, though some, like i have done, would simply say, "hey dude thats like love? You know, finding perfection in imperfection."

Well, how about i was simply desperate to find something good in her, hoping waiting wishing. Its hard to leave feelings behind, but dude time and experience of pain tells you that this is a lost cause.

I guess till the time comes when someone new and worth the effort and heart, i'll continue my constant self improvement, to be a better man, to be a better person, for myself, and for her perhaps.

lol.

Happy CNY to all that read this blog, Happy CNY to everyone who wished me so, and screw everyone else.

PS: I was pleasantly surprised when my 2nd aunt mysteriously gave me an extra red packet for "going to university". In it, instead of the usual 8-20 dollars, was 100 dollars.
My respect for her increased exponentially from 10/100 to 100/100.

2009-01-25T10:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes only time will tell.

I still.

2009-01-17T22:09:00.000-08:00

Crack the Shutters - Snow Patrol

You cool your bed-warm hands down on the broken radiator,
And when you lay them freezing on me, I mumble "can you wake me later?"
But I don't really want you to stop and you know it so it doesn't stop you
And run your hands from my neck to my chest

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

It's been minutes, it's been days, it's been all I will remember
Happy lost in your hair and the cold side of the pillow
Your hills and valleys are mapped by my intrepid fingers
And in a naked slumber, I dream all this again

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

2009-01-15T05:26:00.001-08:00

Slumdog millionaire is a must watch.

Don't forget. It's never too late.

It is our destiny.

2009-01-12T18:15:00.000-08:00

(Did i ever mention that the Scripts are pretty much the best band ever so far? )

Who would have thought it would end up like this?

2009-01-09T04:52:00.000-08:00

these feelings won't go away..

This song was played in the movie Ghost Town, right where the main character was depressed about life and the woman he met.

It just reminds me of rain, and a quiet lonely day and it makes me want to sit down and soak in.

Once again, like ever before i've moved on with life and discovered new feelings and many inner new resolutions like every other day before today.

I guess i only need suppress or live with the inner urge to confide and find a soul mate, and someone to love. Although admittedly it is really a pain in the ass sometimes, well, what will happen will happen.

Lost love, lost feelings are sad, yes, and we will probably never get a chance to relive them, as hard as we may try. The only way is to keep moving on huh?

I guess its true that love never dies though. You never stop loving someone, you just pretend as hard as you can not to, until the day your heart decides its time to love someone else again.

It might be a huge waste to throw away feelings that two might have, but time changes some factors, although not necessarily the feelings. We cannot go back to the time before things went wrong, we cannot turn back to before we met and restart all over again.

We can't restart all over again.

We only have one life to live, and if you'll never want to give it a shot, then move on till you find someone, sometime, somewhere who would give it a shot.

Sometimes i feel the urge, to just want to throw everything away and just hold you as tight as possible, but i can't can't i?

Things have changed, and i was chasing lost dreams and forgotten hopes. Yet i didn't and would never mind that.

I have learnt that one ought to cherish what they really have, before its really too late.

As long as your life is fine and you'll fine then everything and everyone is beautiful and good is it not?

Except me perhaps, until i really find out what is missing in me.

Till then, well, these feelings won't go away. I'll still love you as always.

2009-01-03T18:02:00.000-08:00

I dreamt that you talked to me voluntarily, instead of me starting the conversation and you asked me about the things i've said, and whether i still had feelings etc.

It was like you decided to give it a chance.

But i know now that you were always right - dreams never come true.

I wish i was back in Europe again, things would seem much more dreamy because i've not seen the places i'll be going to, and the cold weather suits the melancholy.

2009-01-01T06:06:00.000-08:00

the past.

Queen of my heart,
i've been waiting for you to drop by.
there's so many things i want to do for you,
there is so much joy and happiness that i'd like you to feel.

and i would meet up with you on a fine saturday morning,
never minding if you turned up late,
all the preparations you've made on yourself only made you more dazzling.
all the more am i delighted you are my date.

we'll have lunch anywhere you'll like,
its okay if i have to foot the bill,
as long as you enjoyed your meal and had a good bite.
and if you feel fat tomorrow we can go to the gym and do the treadmill.

we'll catch a movie at the theatre.
i heard you liked horror,
we'll watch one and i'll pretend im unafraid since you are here.
but if you are scared it's all right to hug me or pull my collar.

we'll walk around town,
shopping for anything interesting or anything you like.
we'll smile or frown about the things we've found.
and after we're done we'll sit down and enjoy the sights.

then i would buy you flowers,
watch as my face turns redder than the roses.
but everything's worthed it as together we spent hours,
huddled together watching as the MRT station closes.

and i would walk with you all night,
until i've sent you to you doorstep,
as only then i'd be assured you'll be alright.
then i'd hurriedly hail a cab,
get back home in time,
to call you to wish you goodnight,
but never putting the phone down until you gave me the sign,
"i love you, goodnight and sleep tight."

but where are you now?
):

Pretty girls have came and passed,
so had their numbers which i should have asked.
a fleeting glance,
and our eyes danced.
Her eyes were full of promise,
held a sparkle i should have noticed.
But i walked away,
just like i did yesterday.
Something just holds my heart at bay,
Cupid could you shoot an arrow down my way?

And my fave..

Wishful and Helpless

Its like you're here
but you're never there.
Its like you can't hear
and you'll never care.
Its like you're so damn close
that I can breathe the scent of your hair
but yet I'm only chasing ghosts
and courting despair.

Flashback then and now the smiles are gone,
I've cried and things have moved on.
we're awkward strangers now,
we've forgotten each other somehow.

Words don't come and go anymore,
but it is you I still adore.

2009-01-01T04:54:00.001-08:00

Broken Strings lyrics

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

2009-01-01T03:43:00.000-08:00

sometimes i just hate happy people.

Today sucked just as bad as the other days, i'm nowhere near the optimism i had when i wrote my last post and a new year will just bring out more problems i suppose.

Songs don't even help now, silence is the best melody.

Nothing counts, nothing matters, because there is nothing at all.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS (AGAIN)

2008-12-30T20:06:00.000-08:00

2009 is just right about here, so once again its time for me to make my new year resolutions!

1) EXERCISE MORE - EVERYONE WANTS TO GO TO UNIVERSITY ORIENTATION WITH A SIX PACK..

2) Save more money. This year, i'll finally have to face the consequences for signing up for a pretty heavy saving plan for my extremely low NSF allowance. I also could do with alot more clothes, a new computer, a new MP3, a new phone, many new accessories and money to spend on good food and dates. Economic recession anyone?

3) Improve my English. I'm serious, my English occasionally borders on being ludicrous. My friends laugh at me for my poor pronunciation. I blame the army, but i gotta blame myself too. I guess its time to retune to the BBC every morning again heh.

4) Be more patient. I'm a rash guy no doubt, who does things only to regret, and this happens almost every year, but this is the first time i'm going to set a 'resoluted' resolution to be patient.

5) Be nice. I'm a mean punk ass bitch who likes to discriminate people as riff raff simply because i do not understand them. I mean, hey how can i think that BOYS who read Twilight so they can pretend to girls how sensitive and cool they can be and so they can get to meet them to be retarded? I mean, i'm sure they just want to improve their literary skills and entertain themselves through the good old books. OH , and also i need to be much nicer to noisy assholes who like to make unnecessarily annoying remarks (usually in a primitive language) and get everyone into trouble or piss everyone off. I'm sure its NEVER their fault that they have such puny brains that they unfortunately never use more than a percent of it.

Ha, see i told you i need to be nice, and to start off my resolution i've decided to stop blogging before this becomes a hate post.

I wish you all (if any one reads this) a happy 2009 ahead.

ORD LOH!!

2008-12-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

You ought to know how much i would just like to throw the bloody thing at you so i can have a better peace of mind.

You've changed, yes so have i, but you're no longer the person i thought i'll always knew.

Ahh, fuck it, fuck you, fuck this and fuck everything.

It's over and i'm glad it is.

The End Where I Begin : The Script

2008-12-28T06:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars wont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've she'd all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
so move along
so move along.
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong

Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars don't ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away

2008-12-25T00:12:00.000-08:00

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."

"...... This creates an awkward situation in which the admirer has difficulty in expressing his/her feelings, as a romantic relationship may be inconsistent with the existing association; revelation of the lover's feelings might invite rejection, or might end all access to the beloved."

"Limerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessional form of romantic love.^[1]

The concept is an attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love. Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses having intense feelings of attachment, preoccupations with the love object, and (as new research on brain chemistry shows) a similar mind-state to obsessive compulsive disorder. ^[2]

Limerence involves ^[4] intrusive thinking about the limerent object; acute longing for reciprocation; some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerence through vivid imagining of action by the limerent object that means reciprocation; and fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence.

As well, the feelings of limerance are intensified through adversity, obstacles, or distance, and the person may have acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise, fabricate, or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object.

A person experiencing limerence has a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background, and in their thoughts, they tend to remarkably emphasize what is admirable in the limerent object and to avoid any negative or problematic attributes.

Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty. The base for limerent hope is not in objective reality but reality as it is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of behavior for evidence of limerent hope. "Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning."

"Limerence generally lasts between 18 months and three years, but further studies on unrequited limerence have suggested longer durations"

(i hope not)

2008-12-24T22:48:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Although i've never liked christmas and probably never will anytime soon, i do enjoy the fact that we are given a holiday, for me to catch up on my sleep since i've been sleeping at obscene hours and around 3 hours a day if im heading to camp.

Friday onwards is going to be challenging, for some reason i'll have to do guard duty from 1pm onwards till the next day, 8am, before i head for tuition classes at 1pm, till 6pm.

But oh well, i'll make it through like i always would.

So, i spent christmas eve with my jc classmates who never thought i would actually go because i've been making them fly aeroplanes and kites for so many occasions :P.

I'm sorry though, that i had to abandon my "best friend" who hopefully found another date on christmas eve like she always would :)

Things are OK now, if you look forward to future, there's nothing but goodness incoming.

I've just got to tank all this shit that's going to block my way to happiness, joy, fun and laughter and hopefully true love(lol).

I don't know if i'll get to defer/ disrupt, but whatever, i don't mind going through till ORD with my platoon mates, SAF day would be tough but anything goes through shit when you have butt buddies!

I just can't wait to go ahead and study, NS seemingly seems to be slowing my destiny of success, but at the same time it is during this 2 boring and shitty years that one would gain so so many valuable lessons i suppose.

Well, thats all for now, i'm going err, lie around and do nothing, probably put my itunes on shuffle and repeat.

Ciao.

(as for you, well, i don't know what to say already but this is what you wanted then so be it darling.)

2008-12-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

Losing Touch - The Killers

Console me in my darkest hour
Could this be that the truth is always grey
Caress me in your velvet chair
Conceal me from the ghost you cast away

I'm in no hurry, you go run
And tell your friends I'm losing touch
Fill their heads with rumours of impending doom
It must be true

Console me in my darkest hour
And tell me that you'll always hear my cries
I wonder what you got conspired
I'm sure it was the consolation prize

I'm in no hurry, you go run
And tell your friends I'm losing touch
Fill the night with stories, the legend grows
Of how you got lost

But you made your way back home
You sold your soul, like a Roman vagabond yeah

I heard you found a wishing well
In the city
Console me in my darkest hour (in my darkest hour)
And you throw me down

I'm in no hurry, you go run
And tell your friends I'm losing touch
Fill your crown with rumours
Impending doom, it must be true

But you made your way back home
You sold your soul, like a Roman vagabond

And all that now you got lost, but you made your way back home
You went and sold your soul, an allegiance dead and gone
I'm losing touch.

2008-12-22T22:19:00.001-08:00

I'm disappointed that that was all you ever had to say..

But its your feelings, not mine.